Experimenting with Human Design: The First Year of Deconditioning

I discovered Human Design in March 2020, and I’m currently in my first year of deconditioning. I considered myself familiar with most self-knowledge tools, alternative therapies, and esoteric knowledge, yet I had never heard of it. It was through João that I first encountered my Human Design—shortly after we met, he asked for my birth date, time, and place. Since then, I’ve become aware of this information and have been experimenting with it.

I wish I could say it’s been a simple process, but not quite. Some parts made immediate sense, while others didn’t resonate at all. It takes 7 years of deconditioning before we can truly become who we’re meant to be. And that’s in the best-case scenario—because it’s impossible to completely escape the constant conditioning.

My First Encounter With My Chart

My first thought when I saw my chart was… What is this weird thing?

I immediately recognized a few details: the planetary symbols and a more abstract representation of the chakras. Beyond that, I didn’t understand a thing.

At this point, I should mention that I’m someone who lives with a strong duality: although I have a very open mind and often connect with the spiritual side of things, I’m also immensely skeptical. I enjoy learning about these kinds of “esoteric sciences,” but always from a place of curiosity rather than blind faith.

Systems that categorize people based solely on the randomness of their birth date and location tend to puzzle me, but I’ve long been fascinated by real astrology (not the kind you read in the newspapers). My Sun in Virgo and Ascendant in Pisces are obvious to anyone who knows me even a little (I did mention duality, right?). On the other hand, a few years ago I came across the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, which helped me understand why I seemed to operate so differently from everyone else (INFJ!).

So, even though the Human Design chart looked complex, it was always going to be something I’d try to understand—while questioning it all the way.

My first question: What is my Purpose?

I’ve been struggling with this for years. What am I doing here? Somewhere between grand ideas of saving the world or being some kind of beam of light, I live a life that feels like it reflects so much less than who I truly am. It’s like I’ve always been walking the wrong path. So, what is my path?

Wow! Fantastic! Finally, a system that’s going to give me an exact answer!

The answer was… disappointing.

Besides being brief—since the Incarnation Cross isn’t usually where a Human Design reading begins, and João made that very clear—it only brought me more despair.

Apparently, in short, my Purpose is to serve others. The image that popped into my head immediately was that of a waitress, a nurse, a page… All of which felt very far removed from my rather unimpressive career and academic background as a writer, translator, and English teacher.

From there, the rest of the knowledge I gained wasn’t particularly surprising. I already knew I had lots of energy when I’m doing something I truly love (Generator), that I feel pressure from all directions (Open Root and Head), that I’m sensitive and empathetic (Open Solar Plexus), that I’m a person with strong ideals and willpower (Defined G Center and Heart), that I’m highly inspired by my surroundings, and that speaking is a challenge for me (Undefined Throat).

Sacral Generator – What Does That Even Mean?

It’s easy to get caught up in the visual details. Why is one center colored and another not? The truth is, the most important information in Human Design isn’t visible to the naked eye.

Understanding my Authority (Sacral) was what had—and still has—the greatest impact. Being told that I have an automatic system to know what I want and don’t want didn’t surprise me. After all, I’d been on a journey for years to reconnect with my intuition and learn to listen to it. I assumed everyone had that—that sacral response often called a “gut feeling” in English. Apparently not. Most people do have something like that, but not everyone. That was the first surprise. The second surprise was discovering that I’m supposed to listen to that sacral response—only that—for everything.

I was a very conditioned person. Naturally instinctive and emotional, that part of me had been rejected from early on within my family. A pretty girl doesn’t cry. Thinking became my favorite pastime.

My Sacral never stayed quiet, but I learned to ignore it. After all, what does the Sacral know about life? So many times it gave me answers that didn’t make sense. It screamed at me not to move cities, but how could that be, when my mind said it would be better in every way: emotionally, financially, and family-wise?

I can point to countless times when I did this. I ignored the Sacral and rationalized everything. No? No why? The Sacral doesn’t make sense because it’s connected to our pure energy. I’ve been in my deconditioning process for over a year and I’m still learning that simply following the Sacral is correct, but the mind fights and resists. I feel guilty and still say too many yeses that should be no’s to please others — which is worsened by having Gate 6 as my Sun and an open Solar Plexus. I don’t exist just to serve others, but to please them in order to maintain harmony.

A Year of Experimenting With My Strategy and Authority

It was a relief to discover my Sacral and be able to say no to a job offer with more confidence (though not with less guilt!). But the hardest part was discovering my Strategy. Wait to Respond? What do you mean?

Sitting quietly in my corner waiting for opportunities to fall into my lap? What?! That’s not for me. I have a Defined Heart, and a Defined G Center too. I’m not lacking in willpower, energy, or ideas to start things. Also, did I mention my Sun Gate is 6? I don’t need anyone! (Or at least I wish I didn’t!). How do I accept that? I grew up being told, “You have to fight, you can’t give up, you can’t let yourself fall apart.” On top of that, I’m a woman — I had to do double the amount and double the quality just to compete with men. That’s what my mother told me.

A year has passed and “Wait to Respond” still feels stuck in my throat. I think of all the self-initiated ideas I’ve had in my life. All the things I “forced” to make happen. Looking back, my life is full of those moments. Even my marriage was “forced,” and I kept “forcing” it for years until I stopped and it fell apart. My career has bounced from one solo project to another. Ideas that came from within — not necessarily in response to anything external.

All the projects where I’ve been most successful came from collaborations or were sparked by something outside of me. It’s hard to sit and wait for the question to come — it goes against every instinct I have, and to make matters worse, I have both Pressure Centers open, especially my Root yelling at my Sacral: So, are we doing nothing?!

I’m learning to cultivate patience and to trust that if I keep following my Sacral desires, the right questions will come — especially the ones where my Sacral shouts “Yes!” while jumping up and down, throwing a party.

Observing My Definition and Profile

My Split Definition also brought some important lessons. Let’s go back to the theme of duality… I’ve always wanted to be independent, to not need anyone — like someone with a Single Definition — but that’s never been how I’ve felt.

Again, I was heavily conditioned not to give in to sentimentality, not to take friendships too seriously, and not to be prone to deep connections. But the truth is, I’ve spent my entire life seeking connection in all my relationships. Usually, they don’t go as deep as I need them to (yes, that Gate 6 Sun again!).

I found this theme again in my Profile. In a 5/2 Profile, my dissatisfaction with my Incarnation Cross is clear. “Serve others? I want to save the world!” Line 5, along with my Defined G and Heart Centers, makes me someone who’s capable of fighting hard for what I believe is right and for the well-being of everyone. It’s easy for me to get involved in humanitarian causes: world peace, making sure no child or adult ever has to go without food, clean water, or healthcare, the right to individuality… These have always been things I’ve deeply cared about.

I can’t say I’m out on the front lines of protests because… Line 2! So I function in a more micro way, helping those closest to me, bringing these issues to light — especially through how I raise my daughter and how I show up in life. I feel the responsibility of breaking generational patterns, which is something we don’t talk about enough: the courage to break cycles and the emotional loneliness it brings. You’re rowing against an ocean of generations. I have great respect for each person’s individuality and freedom, and I’ve suffered a lot in recent years watching the world I so deeply want to save become increasingly polarized.

Line 5 shows up even more through the way others project onto me. Since I was little, I’ve been the psychologist for many friends who came to me for advice and opinions, even on things they had far more experience with than I did. It’s easy for others to come ask for my help, and it’s easy for me to give it — being a Line 5, with a Split Definition and an Open Solar Plexus. Line 2, however, doesn’t allow the opposite to happen as easily, especially with Gate 6 in the Sun. I’m a Hermit who withdraws, even though I have phases where I want to escape into the woods.

The other side of Line 2 is natural talents. That was one of the first things João told me:

“You have a natural gift!”

“Oh yeah? Can you see what it is?”

My gift for writing, I usually say, was born with me. Even before I knew my letters, I was already creating stories in my head with my Barbies. Although I studied the craft of writing, it’s always been very natural for me to grab a piece of paper and just write something.**

There are many things that come to me naturally, and I can’t explain them because I never went through a learning process and I don’t know how to explain them.

For example, don’t ask me for recipes for my dishes.

My Undefined Throat Center

My life is made up of stories that swing between not speaking at all or speaking in the wrong way. I often joke that I only have two voice settings: inaudible or shouting.

At school, classmates would tease me (“Speak louder!”), and teachers would complain that I, a brilliant student, never raised my hand.

Speaking isn’t my department. I’m more of a writer. That doesn’t mean I don’t know how to communicate — I do. Very clearly, even. The problem is the pressure I feel to speak.

Let’s imagine the following situation: I’m naturally shy and reserved, on a date with someone who doesn’t talk much. He’s comfortable in silence, and I start scrambling for interesting things to ask and keep the conversation going from his side because I feel like I have to talk. Someone has to talk, right?

Or when someone does or says something I disagree with. My first reaction is to say something, even when no one asked. I usually steer the conversation toward social issues and start debates just because I want to (feel pressured) to speak and I’m looking for connection.

Over the past year, I’ve been learning to stay quiet more. To speak only when invited, using my Strategy carefully.

Speak less and respond more.

The result has been positive. I’ve had fewer problems.

Staying in my lane isn’t so bad after all.

Getting to Know the More Advanced Aspects of My Human Design

My Profile is perhaps the second part of my Human Design that has most interested me and that I’ve been paying attention to as a spectator with growing curiosity. The first part that interested me the most was… the Sun in Gate 6.

I didn’t know much about Gate 6 when I first discovered my Human Design — there were so many Gates and two channels. It only really stood out to me later. Gate 6 is known as the Gate of Friction or the Fear of Intimacy. On the other side of Gate 6, always calling to it, is Gate 59 — the Gate of Sexuality. Together, they form the Channel of Mating.

The Sun Gate is the most important and consistent energetic influence in our lives. That’s why it’s essential to notice where it shows up in the chart and how it ties in with everything else. It’s no coincidence that this Gate clicked for me.

My desperate search for connection comes from there. So does my resistance to fully opening up. Very few people truly know me. And what happens when you crave connection but aren’t available for vulnerability? Friction. My relationships often feel halfway — I go deep with people, but I don’t feel they go as deep with me. Vulnerability doesn’t come easily to me. In fact, being confrontational feels easier — holding back, throwing things in people’s faces later. No one wants me!

But I can’t really shut my heart, because Gate 59 is always there, calling me.

I see Gate 6 show up regularly and almost automatically in my life. So far, I haven’t been able to do much except observe how it manifests. I still feel a strong need to cause Friction — it’s what I know. I often test people just to see if they’re “still there.” It’s been interesting to notice my dynamics with people who have Gate 59 active or even the entire channel, and many of them have shown up in my life.

I’d really like to experiment more and better understand the power of this gate.

What Still Hasn’t Made Sense

When João told me that my Generator aura is magnetic, I laughed. I’m the kind of person who walks into a place and no one notices. I recently attended a training session where twelve of us were sitting around a round table, and the instructor asked if anyone was missing. Someone replied, “Inês is missing.” I responded, “I’m right here.” To which they replied that they hadn’t even noticed me come in. Okay. But I was literally sitting there. You could say it was an isolated case, but I seem to have a gift for invisibility. Even in areas where I used to shine, no one seemed to notice. I often felt quite the opposite. Going back to my Gate 6, I felt like I repelled people — except when they needed something from me. When I imagine someone with a magnetic aura, I picture someone popular, with lots of friends and relationships. Maybe the level of magnetism a Generator has is limited when there’s a Line 2 in the Profile, but with Gate 34 active, you’d think my magnetism would be impossible to ignore.

I also haven’t experimented much with the channels. My 26-44 is known as the sales channel. While I do recognize I have some ability to adapt my speech to the person I’m talking to, I highly doubt my ability to convince anyone to do, be, or buy something. Honestly, my undefined Throat makes me feel like a disaster when it comes to verbal expression.

As for 10-34, the so-called channel of magnetism, it’s supposed to inspire others just by being yourself. My experience with this is zero. I’ve always stood out from others — but for the “wrong” reasons. From becoming a vegetarian at age 14 to my deep connection with yoga, I don’t feel like I inspire anyone. My personal or professional choices are usually met with criticism or disapproval. To give you the smallest idea, I’ve published three books and no one in my family has ever read them all. I’m still waiting to discover where I might truly inspire someone just by doing what I love.

In this sense, I haven’t yet felt the power of my channels or seen them in action. Maybe that will come later.

What I Expect from My Second Year

I’m a skeptic, remember?

I don’t have high expectations that Human Design will change my life in the way I might hope, but there is great empowerment in seeing who you’ve always felt you were be validated — especially when you never had the chance to truly be that person, either out of fear or external conditioning.

My second year (a quarter of which has already passed) has been full of personal challenges, and I’ve been turning to Human Design — specifically to my Strategy and Authority — to make decisions. That means I’ve been feeling less pressure from the outside world to do what’s considered “right” for a Generator with open pressure centers. The session and follow-up support from João have allowed me to reconsider many aspects of my personality that I never thought were relevant.

I’ve also been learning to function more from the heart than from the head, and I hope that in my second year I’ll continue to learn that my mind is not supposed to be the one making decisions — and that not everything has to be exhaustively rationalized. In the meantime, I keep learning more about Human Design and continuing to experiment. I also hope that in my second year I’ll be able to explore the power of my gates more deeply and get to know them better.

There’s so much to discover, and I’ve only just begun. The session with João and the follow-up work I’ve done with him has opened my eyes and given me more freedom to be who I truly am — and if that’s all Human Design does for a skeptic like me, it’s already a victory.